A New Day.

"Allayn" (d3xn2o) 02/26/2015 at 16:58 • Filed to: None

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A new day dawns as my dog and I awake to the absurd brightness that rudely makes it's way through the window. Oliver is a great dog and he helps with my moods tremendously but just like his father, me, he's a lazy bastard.

My Alarm is set for 6:00 a.m just so I can force myself out of bed by 8:30 a.m. Today was particularly difficult getting up. I had a delivery to make which would take up the better part of my morning. Driving usually doesn't bother me but today I was in a mood and it wasn't shaping up to be a good day at all.

I get to the shop and grab the keys to the truck which would end up being my adventure machine. This monster commands the road and terrifies anyone who drives next to me. The meds I take, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , were making me feel sick today which didn't help with this "bad day" mood I had already convinced myself I was having. Much to my surprise the whole trip wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be...so much so that I actually started jamming out to some amazing tunes on the way back.

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I tend to enjoy certain music most people consider noise but I happen to love a specific band named "A Day To Remember". Their lyrics speak truth into my life with emotions I tend not to convey easily with others. I can be a bit harsh with the people I care about but it's only because I want the best for them. My sickness over the years has pushed people out of my life either by choice or just by a growing distance. It's hard to find true friend's in life, ones who will stick with you and help through the toughest parts of life. I treat time as the only valuable assist I have as it is only finite.

As I returned to the shop some busy work had presented itself which allowed me to keep my mind off of things that normally would drive me crazy. A quick stop into the local market allowed for the chance to procure some delicious !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! as my energy levels were running a bit low by this point. This does tend to happen when i'm having one of my low days. I finish up said busy work and head back to my office to place some orders. I realized once I was back at my desk that this day that started quite horrible ended up being pleasantly decent.

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It's a wonder how a little blue pill *NOT VIAGRA JERKS* can help with an issue I've spent most of my adult life fighting day in and day out. The dosage feels a bit light as the effects tend to wear off around diner time but I do hope things can continue to be as decent as they have been today.

I'm craving more delicious snacks so until next time... The Bearded Bear

WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe > Allayn 02/26/2015 at 17:31

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I was on Sertraline for awhile, when I had some depression issues. I took that, and trazodone, to help me sleep and fight the depression, but it always made me feel really weird. It's not the kind of feeling you can put into words, but it's there. But, if I didn't take it, I would just spend the whole day in bed, sleeping, calling off work, and generally being apathetic. Those down days really suck, seriously, I know how you feel. I'm a lot better off now than I was back then.

Depression sucks, and it's very real. But, with the right care, it can be beaten. Here's hoping to you having more decent days, and then good and great days. Hopefully some day you can get off the medication permanently. Rock on.

Allayn > WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe 02/27/2015 at 10:42

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Thx for the Reply!

I know exactly what you mean about feeling "Weird".
The most difficult part about my illness is the lack of education most people have about it.

The constant "You should work out" or "Come out with us you will feel better" comments I get just infuriate me. I suppose I shouldn't expect so much from people.

WesBarton89 - The Way to Santa Fe > Allayn 02/27/2015 at 11:09

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I know what you mean about the lack of education. When people did that with me, I took it in stride, because if they hadn't gone through it, they really didn't understand, and had good intentions at heart.

That being said, it is a bit aggravating. We all deal with our demons differently, and some don't deal with it at all. For me, socialization kept my mind off of it. I was single at the time, and meeting women was a temporary fix, but it didn't help much in the long run. I hung out a lot with friends. At home, I drank too much alcohol (the worst was a 25oz bottle of straight whiskey consumed over the course of an hour), and smoked too many cigarettes. Anything to keep my mind from focusing on itself. It was pretty destructive, looking back, but remember, it does get better.